ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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