yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
