so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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