she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
