she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
