I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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