She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
