I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
