So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
