woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
