her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
