Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you had me at cake vodka
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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