I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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