He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
