i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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