So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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