So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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