I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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