hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
