Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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