I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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