He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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