my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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