the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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