I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
