proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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