you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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