her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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