ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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