I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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