the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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