My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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