so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
