would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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