OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
