You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
