..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize