Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
