allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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