we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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