i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
