My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i dont even know how to be here
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
