i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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