So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize