Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
