Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
