So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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