Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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