Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Tell her she can't have a vagina
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
