the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
