Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
