Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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