You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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