dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
