he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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