My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
