Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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