she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
