so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
