so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
