dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
