i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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