I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
