i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just blew my weed a kiss
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
