hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
