I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
