remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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