Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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