I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
