This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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