we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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