Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
