If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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