Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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